Paradox (of being my mom)

So I went to call you...
Forgetting that you died.
Weird sort of feeling this is
knowing you are gone...
You see,
it was misplaced along with
so much else...
You were the first to love.
And yet my greatest pain...
You taught me to be me.
Yet rejected who truly I was...
In steel and stone you forged my independence,
but fought it ever inch I took...
In joy and sorrow you molded me into me!
But forgot to let me be myself...
The paradox of all of this
wreaks havoc with my heart and soul...
Yet my mother you were.
The only one I know...
In feeling the loss of the one I love,
I taste bitter freedom.
And as I remember that you have passed...
I finally cry.