This Must Change

Wrapped up in these emotions, I attempt to move.
(Forward, that is.)
Breaking loose from the past, unwanted and used.
In silence I hear all the noise of yesterday,
it means nothing.

Suddenly I find that my life was not my own?
But a play, directed by others...
Giving up control was easy
and painfully simple...

So this must change, if I want to be free.
Cutting the ties that bind me fast.
Moving past those who hold me fast,
and backwards.
With new intentions, I move with mental blades
to cleave away that ties me down...

Here at last, broken loose of the old.
I build from the rubble something new.
And as I breathe, I taste the air...
And it is good.
It is free...

Sun In Dawning

Stepping backwards, I start and end.
Recalling a feeling I figured that was dead.
Surprisingly it was in all its glory.
Stumbling upon love, yet once again...

You see, I figured that it was gone.
I reasoned it away.
Knowing, without any doubts at all.
That łøvę had seen better days...

Yet there it was.
Standing there for all the world to see.
Rising like the sun in dawning.
Catching me as I be...

Caught so blindly and unaware.
I move to capture this joy and
hold it tight and close.
Finding life is once again, just and fair...

Thick And Thin

Family 

This mixed bag of joy!

(and pain)

There is no escape from you...

Stuck with you

I am...

How blessed and lucky I be!

There is a long string of memories,

that flow and bloom within me.

You all are my beginning 

and will be at the end...

Those of the blood.

Those adopted and brought into the fold.

Those who married well and in.

Those who stuck around so long

that you are family

by default...

Through thick and thin,

you are mine

and I am yours.

From births and deaths.

Weddings and changes unnumbered.

We return here to the fold.

This chain of Love that binds us,

shines so bright in

my heart and soul.

So to my family I cry out loud,

that a proud member I am!

For with all our differences 

the same we are. 

And amazingly blessed we are...

Life's Jokes

Finding, as I do...
That life's little cruel jokes tend
to pile up.
The mistakes I make.
The mistakes of others.
Mistakes in general, that slide in from nowhere...

Perfect, I am not.
Yet, finding (foolishly) I expect it in others.

So stepping back I am.
And finding that forgiving others is best.
(Along with myself)
Allowing life's jokes to pass
and laugh at myself and flow.
Knowing that more mistakes will come.
Knowing that those too
I will forgive...

Him And Me

Stepping as I was towards sanity,
I found him blocking my path.
This person so filled with doubt and anger.
His refusal to move left me bewildered
and at a lose of what to do...

"Where do you think you are going",
He said with venom dripping from his voice.
I smiled and waited in silence.
Not really knowing what to do...

We have meet before.
Him and me,
so many times I have lost count.
For every step I take in the right direction,
he finds me and attempts to pull me off my path.

"You know, you will never get to where you
want to be!" He screams with clenched fists.
I smile still and move forward and attempt
to step around him.

"I am only being honest with you." He says
trying to sound like he cares.
I pat him on the shoulder and walk past.
I can hear him crying as I move forward.

I know he will reappear at a later date.
But till then, I will move onwards,
leaving that part of me behind...

Madness Of Others

The sun has set
    and as I wait, the Moon will not rise.
So...
    Sitting in the darkness I reflect
 on that to long
   I have feasted on the Madness of others.
 In a attempt to fill my own emptyness,
    I have let hunger,
          (Blessed by lonelyness)
Lead me into the table of the insane...

Yet, maybe I have always feasted here?

Sitting here, in self induced exile as
   the starving fool,
I indulge in the anguish of others.
   So in foolishness I stuff  myself with the
disillusion of those who crave chaos.

At the crossroads I stand waiting...

It's my hunger that brought me here.
   Longing for substance that will offer a filling
that will leave me more empty
   then I was before...

I Called...

I called...

You answered.

(Which was kind of you, 

being that it was past one in the morning.)

Wrapped in pain and confusion, 

I need a voice of comfort.

And you came to mind.

Even enfolded within your own anguish

you took time to listen to 

my ramblings and rants.

Forgetting your own soul crushing pain...
Your heart was open and healing.
With brilliance spoken in sleepy tones,
you shared your wisdom and wit.
(Making me feel less of a fool)

There is an ocean of time,
a friendship built on caring and disaster.
That now our blood is blended,
making us family.
Admittedly this is all how it should be.
You have shared so much.
I hope that I have done as much.

So with the possibility of hope I ended
my call to you.
And smiled, knowing that once again
that you have saved my
heart and soul.
And go forth to be stronger...
So that when you have need,
I too can answer the late night call.
And save you in turn...


For Alicia, who knows my soul.
(All to well)