Move On

Well and so here we are...
Sorry,
it's just me...
There was no answer
once  again?
I step forward trying
but
(of course no reply)
So?
Why?
The wanting hurts...
But not enough to
pretend....
And so I move on....

Unemcumbered

My heart was used...

But that is old news.

Pained, as I was.

I accepted the abuse that was given.

But I have grown beyond 

the hurts of yesterday...

My heart is my own.

So now I can freely give it

without fear...

Without wanting it returned.

For it is mine!

Freedom comes and blesses me.

Shielded by my own

understandings...

I am set loose, unencumbered 

by the losses of times 

long gone.

And the love I have been seeking?

Is here, inside me.

At last allowing me 

to share...

Rebirth Of Sorts

Distilled, as I was.
Down to the basics of being.
Left with so little,
     yet everything...

The heartaches and sorrows,
of yesterday have broken me.
Shattered, by your own misery
     and woe.

Yet, out of the ashes and rubble
of the disaster you have wrought;
come a rebirth of sorts.
     New, I am.

So as I walk forward into a
future made bright and beautiful,
I must Thank-you for your pain
     and anguish...

In being broken, I could rebuild.
In starting over, I begin yet again.
And in being broken hearted,
     I learned love.

So grateful I am for this
dark gift your have brought and given.
For new I begin again and
     Joy is at last mine...

Bricks Of Anguish

Skin like paper,

as I hold your hand.

Fearing once again that this time

might be the last.

Minor issue they say...

Take her home they say...

Yet, we will be here again soon.

(We always are)

Our time is limited.

And an angry past stretchs out behind us.

Pain and Hurt layered like

bricks of anguish.

I forgive and forgive and forgive...

Yet

As I watch day after day 

as you slowly desolve into nothingness,

anger and loss 

return.

So much time was wasted 

and left unused...

And I am suddenly a little boy again,

lost and scared.

So, 

once more I forgive again.

Focusing on the Love

and what little Time we have left.

I say

"I love you Mom."

Meaning it, with a fierceness 

that burns.

Hoping beyond hope

that what Time we have left can

heal a past best forgotten.

And that when you fade away

at last.

There might at last be Peace

and forgiveness that

last forever...

Bulk Bought Pride

     We have chosen poorly. Our creations have no souls and feed the ugliness of our times. We build not for beauty but for cheapness and speed. Surrounding ourselves with the mess of mass production. With plastics and particle boards we fabricate a culture molded out of temporary scenes. Everything is but a bland facade to the boring and the mundane.

     We use to create with Love, works of Joy and Art.  From homes that stood for hundreds of years, to furniture that were lovingly passed from one generation to another.  Even those items of daily use, plates and forks, vases and trays, were conceived and molded with longevity and caring.

     Yet now we pride ourselves on our poorly made wares and easily replaced waste.  We showcase our trashy new goods with a relish of bulk bought pride.  In our need for bargains we have become a disposable people. Our land fills with monuments of this unwanted disregarded foolishness. We waste and waste, feeling it is owed to us.

     Once there were artisans who build beauty into all they did. Now we shop for the now, not for the future.  Knowing that we can replace it tomorrow. Our works have no heart, they are empty, hollow and broken.

     Lost is art of creation based on Solidness and Beauty. Missing is the Love of making with the Joy of Permanence. Gone is the talent of molding that which will be passed into the future with longing. We discard in a frenzy of uselessness. And then dance among our mountains of trash and waste singing our songs of progress, all the while having no idea what it is that we have lost...

Be Happy

Hunting I am...
      Somewhere there is Joy.
Have it, I must.

For times long and hard,
       without I have been...
Searching and seeking.
But no longer!
So simple to find that which isn't
        hidden...

Finding it here,
      within...

Letting go of the anger.
      Setting myself free of woes.
Choosing to be happy.
      Was all it took...

So easy.
So unbelievably hard!
       Yet there it is...

So into my Joy I go.
Wishing I could take
        all of you with me...

Fill The Void

It's a game I play.

Filling in the holes left by others...

I'm sure you've played it too.

A unkind word here,

a slap to face there,

and a heartbreak or two...

(or 7 or 8)

They rip out pieces of me.

Just bits at a time.

But slowly, over the years has left me

empty.

Just a shell...

I attempted to fill the void,

with all the thing I should not have.

Self doubt and loathing,

along with fear and hate.

I tried pouring in drink and drugs

with little to no success...

I punish myself for failure 

and my inability to cope or fill the holes.

And find myself 

tearing at the scars more then

anyone else ever has...

Grasping at straws 

and longing at Hope, I start anew...

Steady hands hold me safe,

while I learn to heal and fill these

empty places.

Finding my choices and wants have value.

Taking time to grow 

with love and trust,

new parts that complete me.

Instead of just pouring in

the temporary.

I learn to protect my self,

my heart

and my soul...

And fill some of these holes

with steel and stone.

Some are now filled with Joy.

Some with lessons learned.

Faith has been poured into some,

along side reason

and understanding.

So the game has changed.

I can love myself unafraid

and the world around me too.

Taller I stand and safer is my stride

as I go forth to seek the day.

And with a healing heart

and clearer head,

I now fill more then I empty...

And that changes everything.