Fill The Void

It's a game I play.

Filling in the holes left by others...

I'm sure you've played it too.

A unkind word here,

a slap to face there,

and a heartbreak or two...

(or 7 or 8)

They rip out pieces of me.

Just bits at a time.

But slowly, over the years has left me

empty.

Just a shell...

I attempted to fill the void,

with all the thing I should not have.

Self doubt and loathing,

along with fear and hate.

I tried pouring in drink and drugs

with little to no success...

I punish myself for failure 

and my inability to cope or fill the holes.

And find myself 

tearing at the scars more then

anyone else ever has...

Grasping at straws 

and longing at Hope, I start anew...

Steady hands hold me safe,

while I learn to heal and fill these

empty places.

Finding my choices and wants have value.

Taking time to grow 

with love and trust,

new parts that complete me.

Instead of just pouring in

the temporary.

I learn to protect my self,

my heart

and my soul...

And fill some of these holes

with steel and stone.

Some are now filled with Joy.

Some with lessons learned.

Faith has been poured into some,

along side reason

and understanding.

So the game has changed.

I can love myself unafraid

and the world around me too.

Taller I stand and safer is my stride

as I go forth to seek the day.

And with a healing heart

and clearer head,

I now fill more then I empty...

And that changes everything.