and jump...

This tripping up and falling
removes me from play.
(It's the escape I use most often.)
Longing as I was for Love,
I mistakenly take the Other...

I am not alone in this.

Pondering the ways and means
of all of this makes for more
of the same.
I move to stand still.
I map my way so that I am lost 
once more.
I fly high and free,
hunting for the chains that bind...
Rejoicing in my triumphant 
failures...

I am not alone in this.

In strict disregard for what
I want.
I march steadfastly into the brink.
To explain it to you would be
all but impossible...
(I can't do that, even for myself.)
So I just open the window 
and jump...

I am not alone in this.

Craving, as I do an end to this
I sit in silence; awaiting 
the noise.
You see, it's out there waiting.
This "thing" I seek...
And I will not rest till I have 
found it.
Captured it.
And made it mine...

Your Caring

I figured it would pass.
It always does....
This emptiness of being and a longing for...
I am sorry???
What was I looking for???
Safety,
well not that at all.
Nothing about my existence has been that.
The comforts of home?
Oh, hell no!!
Been there, done that....
The picture perfect vision of
what I want lays dead outside
the norm...
So I pick up the beautiful leavings
of those who trampled though...
Seeing your caring as more
then reality.
You might not know.
Most like not..
And then there it is, as always.
A shining heart and kindness given...
And the anger fades to
tears that hurt..,

Paradox (of being my mom)

So I went to call you...
Forgetting that you died.
Weird sort of feeling this is
knowing you are gone...
You see,
it was misplaced along with
so much else...
You were the first to love.
And yet my greatest pain...
You taught me to be me.
Yet rejected who truly I was...
In steel and stone you forged my independence,
but fought it ever inch I took...
In joy and sorrow you molded me into me!
But forgot to let me be myself...
The paradox of all of this
wreaks havoc with my heart and soul...
Yet my mother you were.
The only one I know...
In feeling the loss of the one I love,
I taste bitter freedom.
And as I remember that you have passed...
I finally cry.

Goodbye For Now...

So this is goodbye,
     for now...
Released, like the caged bird
     Your soul set free.
Left with memories
     to fill the emptiness
that suddenly came to be.

Now at rest.
Now at peace.

The broken and worn cast off,
     so you can move once more.
The sadness shared by those you
     left behind...
Is sharp, cutting and sore.

But the Love is real.
And the Loves still here.

So even with goodbye
     and as we shed the tears.
We celebrate your goodness,
     knowing you are near.
So the time has come
     and at peace you share.
Knowing that we all move on,
     even at peace we are...

Goodbye Mom
     till we meet once more...