Well There It Is...

Drawn, as I am to this...

Standing still but falling is just the emotion I crave.
Skipping into yesterday and making it more.
The losing of heart.
The finding of friend.
Doubling down on what might be....

Damn, how do I explain?

I want bright moons of more then one.
Emptiness that is filled with gem stones.
Lonelyness touched with sweat.
Lighting that I can handle and put into a jar...

Well there it is.
My wants and wishes...

And still I have no idea of what it is I am doing...

For HOPE...

Fiercely...
It comes in like tidal waves.
This feeling of change.
Happiness steps forward and slaps me across the face.

(Sometimes its the only way to get my attention!)

Joy stands behind waiting to punch me in the eye...
Yes, sometimes I just don't get it.
Being subtle with me never really works.

I have never been known for my ability to scoop up Hope.
Yet there she stands...
Waiting for me to turn and embrace her.
Shaking her head, she finally just comes to me.

(Like I said, I am not really good at this!)

Feeling yet unworthy of my good fortune.
I force myself to stand still long enough for Hope to lay hold of me.
She grabs me and we at last embrace...

I see forward, and strangely the view is bright.
And Hope hands me my shades and takes me by the hand.
She steps forward into the light pulling me along...

And then,
at last,
I smile...

This I am!

They told me no.
But I said YES!

I have so little of myself left, that I fear to share...

But yet...
Share, I will with you.

Hope is all I have left as I watch the Sun rise.
If I wish to breathe.
I have to believe that Love is real!
That the dream comes true!

Fragile...
This I am.

Broken as I am.
But whole to the wishing that joy is there.
That even in the dark, that light still shines.
That in silence, I can hear the music...

Oh Gods, the risk..................
Pain, so sharp and touching.
Fear, so fresh and bright.
Tears, and there they flow....

And there it is.
This longing for that which I want so badly...
I can't step away from danger.
What if this truly the time?

So, once again I will trust in Love.
And with a smile and tears take what comes...

This I am!

Reflected Light...

Stopped by the sight of it, She rises and dances the sky with blue light.
At first just a sliver of silver.
But how quickly She grows from behind the mountains...

I hear Her laugh and feel Her call.
Standing still, my soul lifts to join in this nightly dance of blues and silvers.
It is in Her arms that at last I feel the sun.
Her joy is made my own...

This is more then lust...
This is more then love...
Rising into reflected light of She who knows my soul.

Sharing, as She does.
Dancing, as She does...

The magic of this moment is the healing that comes.
I have no explanation for this.
But the tears that show as my soul dances, tell me truths.
I have pain wrapped tightly in joy.
And She shows me how to live with both...

Fully risen, She lights the sky.
Earthbound, as I am...
In this sharing, Her and I dance to lighten my heart.
And at last something deep within rises and becomes more then it was.

"Lighten The Load" He Says...

His words fell like lighting out clear blue skies.
This master of the atom.
Sharing wisdom in a way that defied explanation...

In being buried to deep I have lost the light.
Trapped, you might say, into becoming a mushroom.
Given the option of flight or life as the decomposer,
I go looking for my wings...

I left them here somewhere??

"Lighten the load" he says, and I move out to throw away that which holds me still.
"More thrust, more lift and less drag" He says, and I go out to hunt the winds.
Casting off this weight of ancient anger and wrappings of self doubt.
Daring to find the rising thermals of worth that might give me lift...

He, who dances with energy would know these thing.
And in his wisdom, I will trust.

Today is yet another day.
Yet another chance to rise.
And given the reality of life as the kiwi mushroom or
soaring the skies on winds of chance and fate...
I will attempt to rise.
Risk the jump and try to FLY!

(To Aaron, Thanks for the comments)

Two Different Things...

It is the lack there of that I find so frustrating...

I am more then this!
(Or maybe I'm not.)

You see, my heart is full for everyone but myself.
Twilight has ended and brought the dawn but,
left me still standing with the stars...

This seed that has grown in other has failed to sprout in me.
I have watered and cared, so have countless others.
Yet, nothing grows...

This flaw prevents so many things.
And holds me back from love and life.
The sun has risen and yet all I see is night...

Knowing I am worth more but selling myself for nothing,
leaves me open to the madness and chaos of yesterday.
For me there is no tomorrow...

But none of this is real.
Its a Lie, no matter how many times I tell it.
Yet knowing and feeling are two different things...

So I awake to a dawn I know is there but can not see.
I rise to spend myself for more then I feel I am worth.
And in Faith of those who know me best,
I will work for a tomorrow I can not find...

What the HELL!!!!

The sound is still here and I want it...
Yet no one knows?
Drifting as I do, I move west and into the green...
There is the beauty I seek.
Understanding has no place here and I seek the moment.
How do I even try to explain?
And Kim says I don't...
But what does she know....
They will bring the air and I will enjoy.
You see but yet you don't.
I sleep but yet I don't...
I turned the sound off but still it calls.
Naked I walk towards my emptiness and embrace the anger!
(What was I hearing???)
The West calls again and I want to move into.
I think Kim lies...
So I move towards my sleep and breathing
and step into my now...
life was so much easyer yesterday....