My Heart In Steel

It's been awhile...
So long
that I can't even tell you when.
Yet...
Not long enough!
The pain still burns
and the hurt lingers still.
As the bringer of chaos and disilliousion,
your return is more then disquieting.
I severed those bonds years ago.
In the hopes of peace.
Cutting them nearly killed me,
So the thought of revisiting
all this once more, leaves me screaming.
You come in peace,
or so you say...
But sadly, you have never known
what that means.
So I surround my heart in steel
and iron.
And with shield and sword in hand,
go forth to meet you once more.

Stop Echoing

It's happening again...

My eyes close in exhaustion
     and the voices return.
"Why, Why, Why", they chant.
     And once again I answer,
in screams of "I don't know!".

My eyes open,
     Seeing only dark and more night.
This is not the way I planned
     my evening.
Then again, this is not the way I
     planned my Life!

Restless and alone,
     I close my eyes to try again.
Wishing for sleep,
     for answers,
for my dreams to stop
     Echoing my days.

It's happening again...

Breathe As One

Waiting in the dark,
the silence listens to me breathe.
My eyes flutter open.
And for just a second,
I think I see it there...

Gone again.
Was I dreaming?

Yet as I close my eyes,
and sleep returns.
I hear us breathe as one...

These "Children" Of Mine

"I must create a system,
or be enslaved by another man's;
I will not reason and compare:
my business is to create."
-Blake

I grasp at it...
This idea that floats shadowy like
through my brain. 

I can feel it.
Almost see it, there waiting to be...

I am it's creator.
Be it Divine spark 
or complex chemical process;
this concept comes 
to life.

Blessed as I am with this gift.
(or cursed)
I am the maker.

I am warrior of paint, wood, clay,
ink and words...
Fighting for the lives of those
hiding in my soul.

They haunt my day.
(and flood my dreams with wants)
"Give us life!", I hear them scream.
From the mundane,
to the complex.
Their wants are here, demanding reality.

In laziness or idleness or simply 
the lack of time.
I have lost a few...
Death comes and takes them.
As surely as she will come someday
for me.

With lesson learned,
now I gather the seeds 
and hold them near my heart.
A quick note, sketch, a few typed words.
Till a time of growth 
and harvest.

These "children" of mine.
My thoughts and wants, made real.
Visible, at last to all 
as I send them out into the universe.
Are at last made safe,
and my soul is at last at ease.

(At least, till the birth of 
yet another.)

In all of this, 
I am the creator.
And about my business,
I must be...

Know The Winds

Alone...

As I am whispering to

the wind. 

This emptiness I fear

(but crave)

Becomes more and more pronounced.

Did I frighten you in

someway?

Or is this a craving of your own.

The wind answers with

more emptiness.

Returning me to this place we have

mutually created.

Yet...

Alone, I have been before,

so I know the winds.

And will hear them sing their songless 

music once more.

How is it that you will fair?

Is Missing

I stare at the wood floor...
Like it will give me a answer?
What was it I was looking for in the first place?
Maybe it was sex...
Or love?
Something is missing,
and it's not my phone...
(I keep losing it, damn it!!)
What???
I marvel at the passion others share.
Wondering what I did wrong?
Yet...
No and Yes are there.
So I step forward into...
What?
So I sleep and push it off till
tomorrow.
The floor still won't give me
an answer.

Unrepairable

Distilled down to the basics of anguish.
Sorry I am...

Yet, my heart is broken under
the weight of your pain.
Words thrown like stones or forged metal.
There is silence, that sounds so loud!
Shattered, what was forever.
Left with memories of what might have been.
Your battles cut and scar...

Do you
really know what it is you do?
To others and yourself?

Screaming, I move to do something?
Fix?
The unrepairable?
I can not...
And sadly, neither can you.

So all there is left is to...

Step into now.
Yesterday is dead and gone!?!
Today is all you have!

Those others that depend on you?
Step strong!
Be mighty and more then you can be...
Amazing, you are!

Sorry once again...
I wish I could heal?
I want to repair?
But life is yours...
To do with as you see fit?
Please choose well,