Reflected Light...

Stopped by the sight of it, She rises and dances the sky with blue light.
At first just a sliver of silver.
But how quickly She grows from behind the mountains...

I hear Her laugh and feel Her call.
Standing still, my soul lifts to join in this nightly dance of blues and silvers.
It is in Her arms that at last I feel the sun.
Her joy is made my own...

This is more then lust...
This is more then love...
Rising into reflected light of She who knows my soul.

Sharing, as She does.
Dancing, as She does...

The magic of this moment is the healing that comes.
I have no explanation for this.
But the tears that show as my soul dances, tell me truths.
I have pain wrapped tightly in joy.
And She shows me how to live with both...

Fully risen, She lights the sky.
Earthbound, as I am...
In this sharing, Her and I dance to lighten my heart.
And at last something deep within rises and becomes more then it was.

"Lighten The Load" He Says...

His words fell like lighting out clear blue skies.
This master of the atom.
Sharing wisdom in a way that defied explanation...

In being buried to deep I have lost the light.
Trapped, you might say, into becoming a mushroom.
Given the option of flight or life as the decomposer,
I go looking for my wings...

I left them here somewhere??

"Lighten the load" he says, and I move out to throw away that which holds me still.
"More thrust, more lift and less drag" He says, and I go out to hunt the winds.
Casting off this weight of ancient anger and wrappings of self doubt.
Daring to find the rising thermals of worth that might give me lift...

He, who dances with energy would know these thing.
And in his wisdom, I will trust.

Today is yet another day.
Yet another chance to rise.
And given the reality of life as the kiwi mushroom or
soaring the skies on winds of chance and fate...
I will attempt to rise.
Risk the jump and try to FLY!

(To Aaron, Thanks for the comments)

Two Different Things...

It is the lack there of that I find so frustrating...

I am more then this!
(Or maybe I'm not.)

You see, my heart is full for everyone but myself.
Twilight has ended and brought the dawn but,
left me still standing with the stars...

This seed that has grown in other has failed to sprout in me.
I have watered and cared, so have countless others.
Yet, nothing grows...

This flaw prevents so many things.
And holds me back from love and life.
The sun has risen and yet all I see is night...

Knowing I am worth more but selling myself for nothing,
leaves me open to the madness and chaos of yesterday.
For me there is no tomorrow...

But none of this is real.
Its a Lie, no matter how many times I tell it.
Yet knowing and feeling are two different things...

So I awake to a dawn I know is there but can not see.
I rise to spend myself for more then I feel I am worth.
And in Faith of those who know me best,
I will work for a tomorrow I can not find...

What the HELL!!!!

The sound is still here and I want it...
Yet no one knows?
Drifting as I do, I move west and into the green...
There is the beauty I seek.
Understanding has no place here and I seek the moment.
How do I even try to explain?
And Kim says I don't...
But what does she know....
They will bring the air and I will enjoy.
You see but yet you don't.
I sleep but yet I don't...
I turned the sound off but still it calls.
Naked I walk towards my emptiness and embrace the anger!
(What was I hearing???)
The West calls again and I want to move into.
I think Kim lies...
So I move towards my sleep and breathing
and step into my now...
life was so much easyer yesterday....

Justify My Heart...

Wondering at my thinking and dwelling on my thoughts...
Giving up on understanding why?
Maybe that should be my first course of action...

Yet that's such a cowards way out
or no real way at all...

So I dance again the waltz of self discovery,
to find the lost parts missing from my soul.
To explain my actions and justify my heart...

I stumble and fall and jump up once again.
Moving forward is a angry must.
Standing still moves me no where and going back is pain...

Frustrated by the way that getting one answer
only leads me to 7 more questions...

Yet in the travel there is wisdom found along with sorrow.
These missing parts complete me and give me hope.
They break the walls and stir the pot.
Laughing as I cry, I add them to the mix and become more of who I am...

So the hunt continues as I seek the missing.
Reminding myself that it is I that I am looking for.
And there is no one better to do the job...

Trying to do as Grandma would do...

I need to let it pass now...

My youth is gone.
And its OK...

I am wiser and smarter then I was yesterday...
(At least I think I am.)
Childhood gives way to wisdom and acceptance.

Not that I am just giving in.
I fight it all the way.
But there is joy in becoming the elder...
And pain...

But those who have gone before have left a beautiful path!
And in her steps I will walk.
She who is wise and strong has marked the way well.
The road marks are clear and bright.
And I can smell the Joy she has left along the way....

I am because of her..
So thanks must be given.

And so the wheel turns and time marches on.
I am to make the most of what is.
That is what she would do!
And Grandma I will try and be as you are...

Seeing forward...

There was then...
And then there is now!
How quickly life can change...

I was young once but not so much now.
Innocence was something spoken.
Now its passed and there no such creature...

But all as it is.
That is all there is.
Now is a must...
To pretend other wise is foolish...