Your Voice

And there it was,
your voice...
(I had almost, finally forgotten)

I feel the shattering,
I can hear it.
Sounding of glass on glass,
grinding just beneath the skin.
The moon hides as you speak
as to say...

I can’t seem to breathe,
let alone speak.
So your voice fills the Void.

Am I angry??
I have burned my heart to rid it
of the memories of the
noise you create.

You ask.
I answer...

And it ends
and the silence swallows
me whole.

I deleted your # for a reason...

alone

So this is not real...
Or is it?
Having been a grown up and
purging those who use me....
I find myself alone.
Alone
Alone
Alone...
Left with the emptiness or
pain,
which do I choose??
Standing all alone on the high
mountain is to see way to far...
But alone???
What do I do?
So I stand, all alone.
Wishing I had chosen better....

Looking Deep

Windows to the soul

they say.

Trapping me like amber.

Frozen

Cold

and Hard...

Revisiting the vision of

yesterday,

I find myself looking deep

into the anguish of the

memories of you.

Still

(even now)

I can see your eyes.

They stare back 

me

out of dreams long gone.

They say 

nothing...

So I answer them with

the same...

Walk Away From Safety

The treasure was offered to me
at the altar of reason and trust.

What was there to fear?

Promises of sanity,
wrapped in warming calmness.
So kneeling,
I at last partake
in gift that is given.

What is there to fear?

I rise a new,
one who joins the ranks of
being stable.
The wise and the trusted
have counseled
and I have headed their bright words.

What is there to fear?

With praise and promises
I am walked into the
Temple of Safety to offer up
at the altar of calmness.
Sacrificing, the chaos and pain
that has haunted me
for so long.

What is there to fear?

I walk for from the temple,
hearing the celebration of those
who have longed for me
to find peace.

I return home
to the welcoming applause
of family and friends.
They cheer me as step forward
into the bright light of
today.

What is there to fear?

Days and months go by.
The light stays bright and safe.
I walk with my head held high.
The confusion of the past,
Touchs me not.

The sun shines and shines
and shines and shines and shines
and shines...

No shadows are to be found.
Anxiety and distractions are banished.
I follow the same steps
as I did the day before.

What is there to fear?

So with a smile on my face,
I look back at the past.
To see how far I have come.

It is then that I see
that my path has been in circles.
Being shadowless as left me lost.
That the darkness and chaos
brought in their wake
a flood of creativity.

In escaping the pain and anger,
I lost my joys.
In offering up my chaos as
a sacrifice calmness
I have lost that which drives me create.

My paper is blank.
My potters wheel spins
with nothing on it.
My sewing needle fixes buttons
and that's all it does.

I find that in the light of safety
my Passion has died.
I find that in being wrapped
in calmness the poetry in my soul
has died.

So what is there to fear?

I step off the path that moved in
circles under a unchanging sun.
And embrace my shadows.

Knowing there will be pain and sorrow.
But Joy and Longing will return.
Accepting my weaknesses
as the herald of my creativity
I walk away from safety.

What was there to fear?

My fears pushed me into box
to protect my heart and soul.
And so I smiled and ran to it.

But in locking myself inside
I lost more then I gained.
So out I go...
Into a world not as certain
but where once again
I will create.

Hold Your Tongue

Please, hold you tongue...
It is killing us!
You speak, words of anguish
and pain.
And so we die...
Unknowingly you wound.
Unthinkingly you crush.
These syllables and letters of
violence, distort and rape
all that hear them...

Power is what you have!
Even if you know it not.
Your labels and masking of others,
mangles and saddens...

Words like...
pussy
retard
queer
slut
fat
prudish
whore
dyke
stupid
goodie
fag
bitch
loser...

Like tiny cuts,
they bleed us dry...
And in the dark and
silence we drain out and
die...

So once again I beg,
for you to
hold your tongue...
And think before you
kill those of us
who
listen...

Fight The Fear

So this happened...
Out being myself and
celebrating life and Love.
Attacked I was...
Intoxicated with fun and booze,
I stepped outside to find home.
You approached,
I thought nothing of it.
Asking, I gave...
But it was not enough for you!
In a blur of pain and blood,
you took what you wanted!
Screaming your hate,
you made known your dislike
of me and mine..,
You ran.
I called 911...
Hospital visit and broken bones.
Drugs and IVs.
Pain and Anger mixed
with confusion...

And here I am!

Now I pour my anguish
into sadness of why you
are so anger?
Praying that you can find
peace...

I fight the Fear
and move back into the
night.
Not willing this to change my
heart and soul.

I smile and wish him
well.,..
So I can find the peace
he does not have...

Here I Sit

So this is pain...

Everyone asked, and I said:

I am fine...

So,

I guess I am not.

I am So Not!

My heart is broken and bruised 

in ways I hope no one knows.

Exquisite is the anguish that

flows from wounds 

you left me...

Your silence was cutting

and killing.

Giving as I did,

in all and everything that 

I had.

You left "us" 

as 2 

not as one as promised.

I told them 

I was fine and good.

Saying I had moved on....

Yet...

Here I sit.

Missing you and

hating you 

all the same....

Time heals nothing!

And so I am left with 

all that was you.

The You who promised 

so much....

The sun rises like nothing

happened.

So

I move on 

(once again)

to the now.

Knowing that 

all is not fair....