Into The Past

So there I was...
Getting older as it was.
Forced to look back into the past.

It's been quite the ride!

The judgement will have to wait.
He who knows more then I,
will decided.
But I hang on the compassion of
the Mother of all to balance
my stupiditys...

Blessed I was...
By a family that cared.
Grandparents who tried to keep me
out of harms way!
Cousins who shared their trust.
In many ways I failed them...
In many ways I have tried to make
amends...

But though all they were there!
And as I age yet again I see the blessing
of family and generations that span
time and place...

Beside the pain there was Joy!
Around my insanity there was Love!
And side stepping chaos there was
family...

And between you and
the Divine,
I made it through...

What I Behold

There is a certain anger that builds...
I have tried and tried again
to let it loose.
Failing each and every time...
For hours unnumbered I blamed myself.
Seeing myself as cause and effect.
Fearing, I hadn't tried hard enough.
Worrying, that I didn't do all I could.
To make this work!
Yet the evidence suggests that the
reality of this is much different
then what I behold...
Who is it that failed?
I gave till it bleed and burned!
I altered the very core of being
in a attempt to make all well...
Yet?
Nothing changed.
My own failure was thinking it might.
So now I cut the ties that bind
and move on...
Feeling that it might have been
different...
If only you had really cared.