Hold Your Tongue

Please, hold you tongue...
It is killing us!
You speak, words of anguish
and pain.
And so we die...
Unknowingly you wound.
Unthinkingly you crush.
These syllables and letters of
violence, distort and rape
all that hear them...

Power is what you have!
Even if you know it not.
Your labels and masking of others,
mangles and saddens...

Words like...
pussy
retard
queer
slut
fat
prudish
whore
dyke
stupid
goodie
fag
bitch
loser...

Like tiny cuts,
they bleed us dry...
And in the dark and
silence we drain out and
die...

So once again I beg,
for you to
hold your tongue...
And think before you
kill those of us
who
listen...

Fight The Fear

So this happened...
Out being myself and
celebrating life and Love.
Attacked I was...
Intoxicated with fun and booze,
I stepped outside to find home.
You approached,
I thought nothing of it.
Asking, I gave...
But it was not enough for you!
In a blur of pain and blood,
you took what you wanted!
Screaming your hate,
you made known your dislike
of me and mine..,
You ran.
I called 911...
Hospital visit and broken bones.
Drugs and IVs.
Pain and Anger mixed
with confusion...

And here I am!

Now I pour my anguish
into sadness of why you
are so anger?
Praying that you can find
peace...

I fight the Fear
and move back into the
night.
Not willing this to change my
heart and soul.

I smile and wish him
well.,..
So I can find the peace
he does not have...

Here I Sit

So this is pain...

Everyone asked, and I said:

I am fine...

So,

I guess I am not.

I am So Not!

My heart is broken and bruised 

in ways I hope no one knows.

Exquisite is the anguish that

flows from wounds 

you left me...

Your silence was cutting

and killing.

Giving as I did,

in all and everything that 

I had.

You left "us" 

as 2 

not as one as promised.

I told them 

I was fine and good.

Saying I had moved on....

Yet...

Here I sit.

Missing you and

hating you 

all the same....

Time heals nothing!

And so I am left with 

all that was you.

The You who promised 

so much....

The sun rises like nothing

happened.

So

I move on 

(once again)

to the now.

Knowing that 

all is not fair....

Let Me Go...

Let me go...
The anguish burns and pulses 
with every silence.
Letting go of you seems impossible! 
(The gods know I've tried.)
But...
I bleed longing.
Craving you, hurts in ways unknown. 
Waiting as I do,
on your anger and pain...
I feel like an addict of sorts.
"Holding on for your call..."
As the song says!
So let me go...
Please!!!
Crushed and broken you have made me.
So let me go...
Drifting from sorrow to desire,
you leave me all alone. 
Broken souled and empty hearted,
I run to tears.
So let me go...
Trapped in the maze that is you!
I scream and want more.
The danger you hold brings me joy.
Your denial paints my vision.
So let me go...
So I run to you once again.
Begging your pain and rejection. 
Knowing this is killing me.
So I ask again.
Let Me Go....

There Was You

I was trying to explain you see...
     (It's my own fault for not sharing.)
There was so much hidden.
So much I pretended wasn't there. 
      Rejection was such a fear,
along with my own pastel issues...
Oh wait, I was explaining!
      Yet there it was...
What I was looking for,
being everything I was trying so
      hard to avoid.
The artist pallet of mistakes from
times before...
      And then there was You!
Damn it...
      I skipped to moving on.
I pretended I did not care!
      Telling you that I was not!?!
I built walls of contempt, 
in the hopes of escape....
     And yet
there was you waiting inside
     my heart....
So I take my own advise and
     leap!
Seeing where and if I land...

So Cold

So cold it seems this winter.
Yet, not any more chilling then last year!
And there you are...
My own personal Jack Frost.
So cold,
so very cold....
You have returned once again.
Throwing everything I hold dear into
question...

But this time I am prepared!
With I coat and scarf in hand,
I tell you no.
Again and again...
In running from the cold last time,
I failed to find shelter
from your frozen touch!

Oh, but not this time!
My home fires burn bright,
feed by those who love me.
As the song says,
I need you like a hole in my head!!!
You bring the chill that keep old.
Yet, everything said...
Loving you is cold and cold
and cold...
And yes, I desire better..:

Pain and Hurt...

So I was feeling "Thursdayish"...
Being as I was!
Running from anger makes me that way.
Trying so hard, but failing to
understand?!?
Doctrine as it is...
so changeable to fit your needs?
Wondering if the pain it inflicts is
really our Parents Love?
You say you follow Faith?
but....
From the outside it seems like
something else!
It's the same pain and hurt again ...

So we differ on our understanding.

My eternal Parents love and care.
The sins of the fathers,
and mothers
matter not..,

So agreeing to disagree will not
work this time...

On this one you are just Wrong!